Pondering identities

I am still sorting many things out about my gender.

I've realized that I have a lot of resentment about being born a woman and the expectations that come along with it. I am not now, nor have I ever been feminine, but that is apparently the identity that is forced upon women just because they are born biologically female. And it's not that I have anything against feminine women - I don't. That's just NOT what I am, so I am royally pissed when people make that assumption just because I have breasts and a coochie. This is where things start to get confusing, though. In some ways, being angry seems like I am claiming "woman" as my identity. That feels wrong logically but right emotionally because I've been socialized as a woman. Still, it leaves me wondering what exactly I am rejecting here. Is it the label "woman" or just what society expects of women according to gender roles? I think it's the latter. Despite that, I just don't feel (completely) like a woman, just like I don't feel (completely) like a man.

I know that gender identity is about what's between your eyes and not necessarily about what's between your legs, but for me, I feel there is something of an overlap. Outside the bedroom, my gender is clearly neutral, but inside, I feel more male-identified. If I had to stick to the gender binary of society, I would feel much more comfortable being addressed as a man than a woman. I find myself cringing when people call me "lady." On the other hand, it's ridiculously hot for my wife to call me anything masculine, like "daddy". This is also a point of confusion for me, as it seems like I am equating my gender identity with my sexuality, which feels wrong.

I think I'm starting to overthink and lose focus on how I feel. Does anyone have any good books on gender identity, and in particular, third genders or gender neutrality? How do you identify?